apparentfuckingly.wordpress.com

is the name of my new all encompassing journal. All old livejournal posts & USF blog posts have been merged into one and I will continue to post in wordpress! However, that does not mean I will not log in and check on my friends' journals...so keep posting and keep rocking.


lovemily

I get to win out of all of us for the stupidest reason to have to go to the hospital.

Cat bite. No joke. Blackie bit me three times and the wounds were pretty deep but I shrugged it off, cleaned 'em up, and drove to school. Two hours later, I'm still bleeding and my arm was twice the size it should be, plus this ridiculous ache of fire that echoed the feeling of having a broken leg. So I do what best.

I cry a whole lot.

Then I go to the hospital. They give me heavy duty antibiotics and painkillers. I was there for a fucking hour. I can tell June is going to be a fabulous month already.

To know such good exists in the world is a tough topic for me to recognize. Tough because I feel like I have no right to know about anything good in life and perhaps that is also part of my punishment. I've never understood fully why I felt so ugly, helpless, and sad. Until recently, I had come to the conclusion that I was simply too emotional, always going after the wrong types of guys (or those who are emotionally unavailable) and many friends have echoed that.

A remark Dustin said remains with me. Excuse the paraphrasing but basically he said that I thought I was better than everyone else. I fought him to the teeth and I was seriously offended at the time. I'm not offended anymore because he was right.

I no longer believe that lack of romantic love is a considerable contribution to my state of mind, there is more to my life than just that. To be so close to all that is good and all the light and to never have any of it, I'm envious. My life is not terrible and I try not to forsake my friends, my studies, for it does bring me close to this semblance of happiness. But there are some days I get the sickos. These skeevy, gross assholes who intend to follow me to my car, shake my hand but squeeze it too hard. I can see it in their eyes, empty but on the surface floats all of their momentary desires. I do not fault them; they are only human, simply existing to exist. At least that is what they represent to me.

On a whim, I decided to look up the fall of Lucifer. I feel a little retarded for saying it but I fucking sympathize.

"You were blameless in your ways from the day that you were created, until iniquity was found in you. In the abundance of your trade you were filled with violence, and you sinned; so I cast you as a profane thing from the mountain of God, and the guardian cherub drove you out from among the stones of fire. Your heart was proud because of your beauty; you corrupted your wisdom for the sake of your splendor. I cast you to the ground; I exposed you before kings, to feast their eyes on you. By the multitude of your iniquities, in the unrighteousness of your trade, you profaned your sanctuaries. So I brought out fire from within you; it consumed you, and I turned you to ashes on the earth in the sight of all who saw you. All who know you among the peoples are appalled at you; you have come to a dreadful end and shall be no more forever" (Ezekiel 28:15-19).

I hope I quoted that right or DS will have my head on a platter.
And for interpretation...I found this video...elucidating without being ridiculous, I felt.

Thank you DS for the internet gold.

Some of my favorites:

Today, I was walking downstairs to the subway. At the top of the stairs this hobo was peeing. Two seconds before, I told my friend I felt rain. It wasn't rain. FML

Today, I got in the shower, washed my hair and shaved because I wanted to look great for a big date. I got out, brushed and dried my hair and spent an hour putting it up in the perfect hairstyle. Running late, I quickly put on my new dress, looked down and realized i had only shaved one leg. FML

Today, I had to pee really bad so I tried to unlock my door as fast as I could. I put my key in and turned it too hard, the key snapped inside. I ended up peeing on myself. FML

"Not only do they look great, they also protect my eyeballs from super tiny sharks."

lookatthisfuckinghipster.com for realz

Bromance. Really, Brody? More like tool factory but that's not what I came here to talk about. Those aren't real men. Those aren't even awesome metrosexual men. I could whip all of those cats.

Starting off on a good foot, I have a 20 page reasearch paper to do for my Health, Illness, & Culture class. What I'm really interested in is the connection between the mind and body and the mind's ability to heal but not necessarily cure an individual. To tie it all in, I'm focusing on the healing aspects of music. Finally, it comes full circle. As much as I could love to write fiction, I don't believe I'm as focused in that area to do so and maybe I feel it's a little pointless. Perhaps someone will find my perspective enlightening, who knows?

Plus there are, like, two really cute guys that sit across from me.

Oh, carnal desires! You rule me.

(& Thanks for having me, Liz. I posted pictures on my flickr! & I'm going to probably e-mail you once in a while with neat, non-traditional wedding dresses.) SKIDOOOOO!

Yeah. That's about it.

Just something I almost wet myself reading.

recent events have led me to believe that I'm most honest when I'm insane. I hold nothing back. unfortunately, when I'm at this brink of slap-stick retardedness, I am almost horribly brutal but still, only passive.

down to using one crutch, but two makes my ground speed much faster. then I usually have to course correct because I've overstepped and end up doing 3 hops on my good leg. skip-hop-hop-hop and the carpet goes sailing beneath my feet. what's sad is that we all take mobility for granted. I'm so angry with myself for not pushing my body to a more perfect level of physical fitness when I could actually run. I understand I will run again, but knowing it and feeling the time go by like a slow-tracer on an elaborate piece of art makes it unbearable not because I've gained 5lbs while being a poorly constructed pile of flesh in decline on a hospital bed, but because I could've done so much more.

if you ever want to feel like you haven't done much with your life, watch the travel channel. arriving home, there was a special on the Fjordlands of New Zealand. one woman described it as being in an enchanted forest and as she said it, her face had the look of perfect admiration and wonder. this land has remained the same since it was first discovered. I cried a little bit. there's not a whole lot more I want than to be able to experience that feeling and to own that look. at least if I go bat-shit crazy there, I'll live in a tree and enjoy watching the Keas ripping shit off cars. because they're bastards and we all know how much I like bastard-assholes.


neglect LJ again, I shall not. it has many saving graces.

If I get a magnet...will it stick to my leg?...does anyone know the magnetic properties of titanium? hmm. wikipedia...

...but not in that order :)

( are you ready? )
next we shall have CLAP YOUR HANDS SAY YEAH!!!! oooooooooooh yeah... dance party? anyone? anyone? :)

Yesterday, I really wanted an Icee. I haven't had one since I was probably 10 or 12. I spilled it everywhere, trying to overfill the cup with the dome lid. I guess it just came out too fast. And then I got brainfreeze. It was some good shit, I'll tell you that.

It's the simple things we all really have to savor. Not hot boys or how much money we make...it's all in the quality of happiness.

it do not a damn thing.

bid adieu to old baby:



( POW! muthafuckas... )

( get a little action in )

thank you for having me, you classy bitch. thank you to amanda and heather for putting up with nonstop giggles and straight up guffawing. I'll be back soon, and not just for the testosterone laced nights. probably for the food, too. <3 haha